1. “In my family, crazy doesn’t skip a generation.” – Anonymous
2. “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” – Wayne Huizenga
3. “Family is like that annoying itch you can’t scratch.” – Anonymous
4. “Family: our sanity might be debatable, but our bond is unbreakable.” – Anonymous
5. “Home is wherever my bunch of crazies is.” – Anonymous
6. “Some call it chaos, we call it family.” – Anonymous
7. “If you think I’m crazy, wait till you meet my family.” – Anonymous
8. “Families are like fudge—mostly sweet, with a few nuts.” – Les Dawson
9. “Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.” – Ralph Bus
10. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” – Cary Grant
11. “At a family reunion, you’ll meet every human to whom you’re related. Will you be elated? That’s still to be debated.” – Anonymous
12. “We are more than family. We are like a really small gang.” – Anonymous
13. “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” –
14. “My family is tempermental. Half temper, half mental.” – Anonymous
15. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.” – Bob Hope
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16. “Every family tree has some sap!” – Anonymous
17. “If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the Wi-Fi router and wait in the room in which it is located.” – Anonymous
18. “I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.” – Anthony Anderson
19. “You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.” – Anonymous
20. “‘Well, that escalated quickly’ is our family motto.” – Anonymous
21. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” – Chelsea Handler
22. “In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry.’” – Margaret Laurence
23. “Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” – Harry Morgan
24. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault
25. “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” –
26. “Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.” – Anonymous
27. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
28. “Family: a little bit crazy, a little bit loud, and a whole lot of love.” – Anonymous
29. “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” – Marge Kennedy
30. “Family: we may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” – Anonymous
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31. “I smile because you’re my family—I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!” – Anonymous
32. “I saw a store that has a sign that reads ‘We treat you like family!’ Yup, not going in there.” – Anonymous
33. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” –
34. “Caller ID was invented for family screening.” – Anonymous
35. “Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Anonymous
36. “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
37. “The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.” – Anonymous
38. “Good news: the holidays are about family. Bad news: it has to be your own family.” – Anonymous
39. “Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?” – Robert Brault
40. “Every family has that one crazy person in it. If you’re missing one I seem to have a few extras.” – Anonymous
41. “Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” – Evan Esar
42. “Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.” – Lois McMaster Bujold
43. “I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” – Jeff Lindsay
44. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield
45. “A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.” – Robert A. Heinlein
46. “Sometimes I think our family tree doesn’t branch quite enough.” – Anonymous
47. “Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus.” – Anonymous
48. “Remember as far as anyone knows we’re a nice, normal family.” – Homer Simpson
49. “Insanity is hereditary: you can get it from your children.” – Anonymous
50. “All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” – Anonymous
51. “In my family, crazy is relative. All of them.” – Anonymous
52. “What passes for normality in my family just might defy the laws of gravity.” – Anonymous
53. “From vanity to insanity, no one knows you better than your family.” – Anonymous
54. “Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.” – Sam Levenson
55. “Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or , your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex, and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.” – Delia Ephron
56. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” – Erma Bombeck
57. “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” – Anonymous
58. “I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.” – Ugo Betti
59. “Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.” – Jerry Seinfeld
60. “Strangers think I’m great. My friends think I’m eccentric. My family knows that I am completely insane!” – Anonymous
61. “I was normal two kids ago.” – Anonymous
62. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” – Jerry Seinfeld
63. “In time of test, family is best.” – Burmese Proverb
64. “A family who disagrees, cares.” – Anonymous
65. “In our family, normal is so overrated.” – Anonymous
66. “There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.” – Herbert V. Prochnow
67. “Pets are like family, except you actually get to choose them.” – Anonymous
68. “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox
69. “There’s nothing like a family vacation to make you appreciate a bit of separation.” – Anonymous
70. “For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.” – Jeff Foxworthy
71. “By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling and comes to family events tipsy.” – Anonymous
72. “We’re loud and proud; when we get together there’s a crowd. When it comes to my extended family, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” – Anonymous
73. “When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.” – Anonymous
74. “If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
75. “Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.” – Anonymous
76. “The outfit doesn’t matter. The smiling family does.” – Anonymous
77. “In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.” – Anna Quindlen
78. “In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are at least two-thirds incontinent.” – Robert Brault
79. “The Lee family has really been stressing me out! Perhaps, know them? Emotional Lee, Mental Lee, Physical Lee and let’s not forget Financial Lee!” – Anonymous
80. “If I had known how wonderful it would be to have , I’d have had them first.” – Lois Wyse
81. “Having a big family around is a good way to make sure there will always be someone to answer the phone—and forget the message.” – Anonymous
82. “Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.” – Gracie Allen
83. “Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.” –
84. “You inherited a piece of everyone in your family. If you insult them, you insult yourself.” – Anonymous
85. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P.J. O’Rourke
86. “If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange. It’s a circle of sections, held together but separable—each segment distinct.” – Letty Cottin Pogrebin
87. “There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more—secure.” – Jim Butcher
88. “Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.” – Shailene Woodley
89. “If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’” – Jeff Foxworthy
90. “Soup is a lot like a family. Each ingredient enhances the others; each batch has its own characteristics, and it needs time to simmer to reach full flavor.” – Marge Kennedy
91. “One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.” – Jonathan Safran Foer
92. “The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.” – Nancy Mitford
93. “Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.” – Anonymous
94. “My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called ‘Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.’” – Penelope Lombard
95. “From the ages of 8 to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” – Jarod Kintz
96. “If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that ‘Members not present’ and ‘Subjects discussed’ were one and the same.” – Robert Brault
97. “Family is just an accident. They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.” – Marsha Norman
98. “You know what it’s like having five kids? Imagine you’re drowning. And someone hands you a baby.” – Jim Gaffigan
99. “Cousins are friends who already know how crazy your family is.” – Anonymous
100. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Anonymous
101. “Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we’re related for better or for worse―and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.” – Rick Riordan
102. “Thanksgiving―when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.” – Melanie White
103. “The moment will come when you are talking to your child and you hear your mother’s or father’s voice coming from your own lips with almost the same tone and maybe even the same words.” – Benjamin Spock
104. “The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.” – Erma Bombeck
105. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ It’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
106. “I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.” – Lewis Grizzard
107. “To encourage my little kid to eat something, I would sometimes say: just pretend it is sand.” – Anonymous
108. “The family—that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.” – Dodie Smith
109. “Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.” – Earl Wilson