And don’t forget to check out these and .

1. “Everybody loves me—babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” – Mike Sorrentino

2. “My only rule—never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

3. “I was born and raised a Guido. It’s just a lifestyle, it’s being Italian, it’s representing family, friends, tanning, gel, everything.” – Paul DelVecchio

4. “Face down, *ss up, that’s the way I like to have a good time.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

5. “You are the worst argument person ever!” – Mike Sorrentino

6. “Lose f*ck*ng 5 or 10 pounds and we can talk.” – Mike Sorrentino

7. “I’m the sweetest b*tch you’ll ever meet.” – Samantha Giancola

8. “I mean, you can hate on me all you want, but what can you possibly say to somebody who looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off?” – Mike Sorrentino

9. “If you don’t know me, then you hate me, and you wish you were me.” – Jenni Farley

10. “How do you go in a f*ck*ng jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini—that’s a little bit more classier if you’re gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?” – Angelina Pivarnick

11. “I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on ’cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the Guido handbook.” – Mike Sorrentino

12. “Mike can be a nice guy, like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. That’s what I like; a good guy and a jerk off, it’s all in the same.” – Nicole Pollizi

13. “You have to remember that reality shows capture your worst moments.” – Nicole Pollizi

14. “If that b*tch still plays laser tag, she’s too young for you, bro.” – Paul DelVecchio

15. “You gotta stay ‘fresh to death,’ I call it. Fresh outfit, fresh haircut, fresh tan. Just stay fresh.” – Paul DelVecchio


16. “It sucks, but no Long Islands or margaritas when you drink. It has to be straight vodka.” – Nicole Pollizi

17. “There’s no way I’m going to Jersey without my hair gel, can’t leave without my gel.” – Paul Delvecchio

18. “I am like a praying mantis—after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” – Jenni Farley

19. “The only person I’ve had sex with on Jersey Shore is my boyfriend.” – Nicole Pollizi

20. “I don’t follow trends. I set my own and I go for the extreme.” – Jenni Farley

21. “I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me, it’s cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell.” – Jenni Farley

22. “If you’re not a Guido, then you can get the f*ck outta my face.” – Samantha Giancola

23. “I think the statue of David is pretty sexy. I’d do him.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

24. “I told Pauly D to start the grill and he puts charcoal in a gas grill, then he asks me to light it and we were this close to pretty much blowing up the house.” – Mike Sorrentino

25. “I’m not good with time. Like, if I ask you the time and you say, ‘A quarter to two,’ I wouldn’t know. Why can’t you just say 2:30?” – Nicole Polizzi

26. “I’m not trying to fall in love on the Jersey Shore. I’m just trying to hook up.” – Paul DelVecchio

27. “Tall, completely jacked, st*r**ds, like multiple growth hormones. That’s, like, the type that I’m attracted to.” – Jenni Farley

28. “Let’s just get wastey-pants.” – Nicole Polizzi

29. “Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but I’m from the Jersey Shore.” – Jenni Farley

30. “My abs are so ripped up, it’s called, ‘The Situation.’” – Mike Sorrentino

31. “When you’re tanner, you feel hotter and sexier. You should try it.” – Nicole Polizzi

32. “I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan.” – Nicole Polizzi

33. “G.T.L., baby! Gym, tan, laundry!” – Mike Sorrentino

34. “I’m tanorexic, bro.” – Paul DelVecchio

35. “Hot guys, come here! I’m single, dance with me!” – Samantha Giancola

36. “It’s hard for people to see you one way, but you’re really the other way, so it’s kind of like, ‘Who am I, who are you?’ Sometimes, I confuse even myself.” – Nicole Polizzi

37. “Is there a moon in this country?” – Nicole Polizzi

38. “My hair didn’t even move an inch and I was in and out of the water. My hair’s windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motorcycle proof. I’m not sure if my hair’s bulletproof, I’m not willin’ to try that.” – Paul DelVecchio

39. “This is the biggest night of my entire life and everybody’s career rides on my DJ set.” – Paul DelVecchio

40. “I yanked some b*tch’s hair for you.” – Samantha Giancola

41. “She starts charging at me like a f*ck*ng hippo.” – Nicole Polizzi

42. “JWoww and her boobies are going to Italy.” – Jenni Farley

43. “He has a girlfriend? Really? He kissed my p*ss* last night so—.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

44. “I look like a piece of sausage next to these meatballs. I’m gonna stand in the middle so it looks like a big dick.” – Paul DelVecchio

45. “If Deena’s boobies could talk they’d say, ‘I’m a good time, I’m a blast in a bra!'” – Paul DelVecchio

46. “It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me and that’s obvious. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.” – Mike Sorrentino

47. “You never really see me acting a fool on TV.” – Vinny Guadagnino

48. “Down here at the Shore, one minute you’ve got three girls in the Jacuzzi, the next minute somebody’s in jail and you have to bail them out. That’s what happens down at the Shore.” – Mike Sorrentino

49. “I’m trying to build an empire, because after this, I cannot get a normal job.” – Nicole Polizzi

50. “The girls I bring home don’t wear underwear.” – Nicole Polizzi

51. “I’ve been a nun—a Catholic nun.” – Jenni Farley

52. “A walking holiday? What does that mean? Are you gonna give out candy? Like I don’t get it.” – Samantha Giancola

53. “I don’t eat friggin’ lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.” – Nicole Polizzi

54. “I am the pimp daddy Mac on this whole place.” – Paul DelVecchio

55. “The toilet is clogged because I live with farm animals.” – Vinny Guadagnino

56. “You better send roses to the house, you feel me? Roses, dawg. With pickles in them—fried pickles!” – Paul DelVecchio

57. “Maybe my t*t fat got a little smaller but these f*ck*rs are like 700 CC’s and they’re gonna stay 700 CC’s.” – Jenni Farley

58. “Vinny is my dude. We’re like the meatballs except we’re not the meatballs.” – Paul DelVecchio

59. “People should go to school at a bar.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

60. “This woman is not a grenade, this woman is an atomic bomb.” – Paul DelVecchio

61. “I like to be with my boyfriend at all times. Do you get that?” – Samantha Giancola

62. “Yes, I had sex. Like, hello, you’re gonna have sex if you’re into somebody. It’s natural.” – Samantha Giancola

63. “Its T-shirt timeee!” – Paul DelVecchio

64. “Before Jersey Shore, I was a DJ struggling to promote, deejaying six nights a week and hustling to pack clubs.” – Paul DelVecchio

65. “You don’t come in here on Sunday with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches.” – Paul DelVecchio

66. “Keep on drinking.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

67. “Where’s the beach?” – Nicole Pollizi

68. “When my kids asked me, ‘Where have you worked?’ I’d say ‘B*tch, I’ve made pizza in Florence.'” – Jenni Farley

69. “As my stomach feels like it’s gonna explode, I don’t stop eating. It makes me realize what a gluttonous piece of sh*t I am.” – Vinny Guadagnino

70. “I’m out of gel—Justin Bieber eat your heart out.” – Paul DelVecchio

71. “Whatever, I forgot to put my underwears on.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

72. “My heart is racing and I smell like King Kong’s *ssh*l*.” – Nicole Polizzi

73. “You need sucky things in life to make you stronger.” – Vinny Guadagnino

74. “Have a coffee then it will flow out your b*tth*l* like a freakin’ rainstorm.” – Paul DelVecchio

75. “Same sh*t, different toilet.” – Vinny Guadagnino

76. “Being called ‘Angelina’ is like one of the worst things you could ever be called.” – Paul DelVecchio

77. “This is probably the best accomplishment I’ve had in a long time—to kick the sh*t out of Jenni.” – Samantha Giancola

78. “From now on, you’re excluded from surf and turf night. You’re excluded from ravioli night. You’re excluded from cutlet night.” – Mike Sorrentino

79. “I thought she was gonna be hot. I’m all taken aback.” –​ Samantha Giancola

80. “How does it feel, Jenni, to have the crap beat out of you by me? I’m basking in it right now.” – Samantha Giancola

81.”You don’t even look Italian.” – Samantha Giancola

82. “Funny how people become p*ss**s all of the sudden.” – Angelina Pivarnick

83. “Yo, shut your mouth, you dirty little hamster.” – Mike Sorrentino

84. “You should know about trashy, baby. You’re from Staten Island!” – Deena Nicole Cortese

85. “She looks like ‘The Crow.’” – Jenni Farley

86. “Oh my God, b*tch. You’re such a wh*r*.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

87. “If you leave, I’m going to stuff your f*ck*ng nose with tampons.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

88. “Jenni’s t*ts definitely defy gravity. I think Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni’s t*ts.” – Mike Sorrentino

89. “I actually named his p*n*s, ‘Moby Dick.’” – Paul DelVecchio

90. “You know what I think it is? Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyebrows would.” – Paul DelVecchio

91. “I’m still pretty, b*tch.” – Nicole Pollizi

92. “Watch me ‘cause I’m going to f*ck*n’ sh*t on you harder than you ever sh*t on me.” – Samantha Giancola

93. “If you look up ‘too much swag’ in the dictionary, there’ll be a great big picture of my face.” – Paul DelVecchio

94. “Step out of it! F*ck*ng hit me.” – Jenni Farley

95. “No one touches my clams. I’ll cut your fingers off.” – Paul DelVecchio

96. “Do you want to get beat up by an Israeli chick?” – Paul DelVecchio

97. “I’ll put you in a fire, you b*tch.” – Mike Sorrentino

98. “Cry all you want, your tears don’t mean sh*t to me.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

99. “I don’t care if you talk sh*t about me. Talk sh*t about me all you want, but if you talk about my girls, my boyfriend or my family, that’s when I’m going to f*ck you up.” – Nicole Polizzi

100. “I look like a hot, drunk . Batter up, b*tch*s!” – Nicole Polizzi

101. “You better grab your girl tight when I’m around, ’cause I know she’s grillin’ me.” – Mike Sorrentino

102. “Well, stop caring and f*ck me, man!” – Mike Sorrentino

103. “I’m sorry I punched you in the face.” – Vinny Guadagnino

104. “I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds. Good for you and obviously you’re a loosey goose because he got it in.” – Nicole Polizzi

105. “She was like, ‘Oh hey, Nicole. I’m going to help you cook some tacos.’ Like a f*ck*ng sarcastic b*tch.” – Nicole Pollizi

106. “My vagina’s killing me.” – Nicole Polizzi

107. “I’m taking his sperm and making babies out of it.” – Samantha Giancola

108. “My nipples won’t stay in my shirt.” – Nicole Polizzi

109. “Have sex with an old man, steal a plant, get arrested, and then do whatever.” – Paul DelVecchio

110. “If you guys want me to go downstairs for make-up sex, let me know.” – Samantha Giancola

111. “Every guy has a dream of having a threesome with two women, obviously.” – Nicole Polizzi

112. “I need a mind condom.” – Nicole Polizzi

113. “Oh, my vagina’s out.” – Nicole Polizzi

114. “I am not f*ck*ng any of my roommates, therefore I should not be cleaning up after their sh*t.” – Mike Sorrentino

115. “I want the Guidettes to c*m in their pants when they hear my music.” – Paul DelVecchio

116. “If these girls want to have a threesome with you, that’s not an issue.” – Paul DelVecchio 

117. “I’m in Miami. I don’t want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick.” – Vinny Guadagnino

118. “I’m a wh*r*? Hello. I made-out with Pauly, made-out with Mike and tried to have sex with Vinny. So—whatever.” – Nicole Polizzi

119. “Yo she’s so big, dog. She broke the bed, dog.” – Mike Sorrentino

120. “This kid is in love. JWoww’s p*ss* must be rainbows and pots of treasure.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

121. “Um, hello?” – Angelina Pivarnick

122. “Yeah, buddy.” – Paul DelVecchio

123. “You stalked my whole life on the boardwalk.” – Paul DelVecchio

124. “You should know the truth.” – Nicole Polizzi and Jenni Farley 

125. “Party’s here.” – Nicole Polizzi

126. “I need a f*ck*ng hot guy right now.” – Samantha Giancola

127. “You shouldn’t have to change for any man, you find a man who will accept you.” – Jenni Farley

128. “Dude, you’re going to get all the girls!” – Paul DelVecchio

129. “I’m surrounded by couples every day, it’s so annoying.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

130. “Shut the f*ck up because, who are you?” – Nicole Polizzi

131. “One, two, three, four—I declare a prank war.” – Paul DelVecchio

132. “I’ll f*ck*ng pound you, b*tch.” – Samantha Giancola

133. “Say no to hoes.” – Vinny Guadagnino

134. “I never thought somebody would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist but Deena takes the cake.” – Mike Sorrentino

135. “You like the boobs?” – Deena Nicole Cortese 

136. “I have a feeling wh*r*b*g will be here next.” – Samantha Giancola

137. “I don’t have time for stupid bimbos.” – Samantha Giancola

138. “I’m like a hamster in heat.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

139. “It’s like guido bingo.” – Vinny Guadagnino

140. “Let’s do it!” – Mike Sorrentino

141. “Pure evidence of treachery I’ve just seen.” – Vinny Guadagnino

142. “Dominican girls are hot because they can dance, they can move, they got tans, big butts, and nice full lips.” – Nicole Polizzi

143. “They’re talking about f*ck*ng relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” – Paul DelVecchio

144. “I thought you were just being drunk and stupid.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

145. “If this relationship continues, I’ll kill myself.” – Mike Sorrentino

146. “Vin thinks he’s a man now that he got his ears pierced.” – Nicole Polizzi

147. “Somebody marshmallowed the house.” – Nicole Polizzi

148. “Hell has to be just like this.” – Nicole Polizzi

149. “They have defied the law of intelligence.” – Deena Nicole Cortese

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