Enjoy!
1. “When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.” – Scott Pilgrim
2. “Because I’m in lesbians with you. I really, really mean it.” – Scott Pilgrim
3. “You know what really sucks? Everything.” – Scott Pilgrim
4. “I have to go pee due to boredom.” – Scott Pilgrim
5. “We are sex bob-omb and we are here to make you think about death, and get sad, and stuff.” – Scott Pilgrim
6. “This next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. It’s called, ‘We hate you, please die.’” – Crash
7. “I don’t think I can hit a girl. They’re soft.” – Scott Pilgrim
8. “You once were a ve-gone, but now you will be gone.” – Scott Pilgrim
9. “Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.” – Kim Pine
10. “If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain?” – Scott Pilgrim
11. “Then, why don’t you give me the cliff notes on how—why you ended up dating this a-hole?” – Scott Pilgrim
12. “If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the ‘L’ word.” – Wallace Wells
13. “You broke the heart that broke mine.” – Knives Chau
14. “I mean, are you really happy or are you really evil?” – Kim Pine
15. “That’s it, you cocky cock. You’ll pay for your crimes against humanity.” – Scott Pilgrim
16. “My last job is a long story filled with sighs.” – Scott Pilgrim
17. “I play better in a bad mood.” – Scott Pilgrim
18. “Ciao, Knives!”– Scott Pilgrim
19. “I don’t know. It’s just nice, you know? It’s just simple.” – Scott Pilgrim
20. “I’ve never even kissed a guy before.” – Knives Chau
21. “That gossipy bitch.” – Scott Pilgrim
22. Scott Pilgrim: “Why can’t we have our own secret shows?”
Kim Pine: “All our shows are secret shows.”
23. “So, what’s on Monday?” – Scott Pilgrim
24. “Save it. You’re pretentious. This club sucks. I got beef. Let’s do it.” – Scott Pilgrim
25. “I just woke up, and you were in my dream. I dreamt that you were delivering me this package. Is that weird?” – Scott Pilgrim
26. “I love garlic bread. I could honestly eat it all the time, nonstop.” – Scott Pilgrim
27. Todd Ingram: “We have an unfinished business. I and he.”
Scott Pilgrim: “He and me.”
28. “‘Cause, it’s Friday now. She’s the weekends off so, Monday, right?” – Todd Ingram
29. “Are you a pirate?” – Scott Pilgrim
30. “Bread makes you fat?” – Scott Pilgrim
31. “I know you play mysterious and aloof just to avoid getting hurt. And I know you have reasons for not wanting to talk about your past. I want you to know that I don’t care about any of that stuff.” – Scott Pilgrim
32. “We all have baggage.” – Ramona Flowers
33. “Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see!” – Scott Pilgrim
34. “Am I dreaming? I’ll leave you alone forever now.” – Scott Pilgrim
35. Stephen Stills : “What are you doing?”
Scott Pilgrim : “Getting a life.”
36. “I gotta pee on her! I mean, I gotta pee.” – Scott Pilgrim
37. “Come on, man! I put my promises aside for the music! If I can do that, we can do anything.” – Scott Pilgrim
38. “It’s not a race, guys!” – Wallace Wells
39. “You’re kidding. Anyone can be vegan.” – Scott Pilgrim
40. “Yeah, I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything. She’s fickle, impulsive, spontaneous. God, what am I going to do?” – Scott Pilgrim
41. “I can read your thoughts. Your will is broken. You’re through.” – Todd Ingram
42. “Scotty, you can cheat on all the ladies you like, but you can’t cheat death.” – Gideon Graves
43. “Not only do I wanna take part, I wanna take them apart!” – Scott Pilgrim
44. “Say we drink to my memory. Fair trade blend with soy milk?” – Scott Pilgrim
45. “You guys sound better without me. Young Neil, you’ve learned well. From this point forward, you will be known as Neil.” – Scott Pilgrim
46. “Double negative. Tricky.” – Scott Pilgrim
47. “He had snot in his nose? But he’s famous.” – Scott Pilgrim
48. “Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.” – Scott Pilgrim
49. “Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe soon you’ll meet my ‘new-new’ girlfriend.” – Scott Pilgrim
50. “How are you doing that with your mouth?” – Scott Pilgrim
51. “It’s no biggie. Um, you know, I know it’s early, but I don’t think anything can get in the way of how I shit!” – Scott Pilgrim
52. “Sweet. Coins!” – Scott Pilgrim
53. “Evil? You mean, do I have, like, ulterior motives? I’m offended, Kim.” – Scott Pilgrim
54. “Yeah, well my baggage doesn’t try to kill me every five minutes!” – Scott Pilgrim
55. “That’s Gideon? Gideon is G-Man?” – Scott Pilgrim
56. “Is there anywhere you don’t work?” – Scott Pilgrim
57. “She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the capacity to geek.” – Scott Pilgrim
58. “Okay, let’s start with launchpad McQuack.” – Scott Pilgrim
59. “Dating a high schooler? Scandalous!” – Stacey Pilgrim
60. “You just have this convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It’s like, 3 miles in 15 seconds. I forgot you guys don’t have that in Canada.” – Ramona Flowers
61. “Scott, you are the salt of the earth. I meant, scum of the earth.” – Kim Pine
62. “Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey—some sooner than others.” – Roxy Richter
63. “Okay, right. You know how you only use 10% of your brain? Well the other 90 is filled with curds and whey.” – Todd Ingram
64. “That’s probably just because he’s better than you.” – Wallace Wells
65. “What? I’m not afraid to hit a girl. I’m a rockstar.” – Todd Ingram
66. “Wounded, even?” – Kim Pine
67. “Hi, I was thinking about asking you out. But then, I realized how stupid that would be. So do you want to go out sometime?” – Scott Pilgrim
68. “Basically, you can’t win this fight, so you better give up on this girl, ’cause Todd’s gonna kill you.” – Envy Adams
69. “Short answer—being vegan just makes you better than most people.” – Envy Adams
70. “Scott, not that I care, you should go talk to her before she’s gone. And I really don’t care.” – Kim Pine
71. “Okay, from here on out, no girlfriends, nor girlfriend talk at practice—whether they’re old, new, or ‘new-new.’ We were lucky to survive the last round. It’s sudden death now! Okay?” – Stephen Stills
72. “Next time, we won’t date the girl with 11 evil ex-boyfriends.” – Stacey Pilgrim
73. “Once we’re on stage, you’ll be fine.” – Kim Pine
74. “You should break up with your fake highschool girlfriend!” – Stacey Pilgrim
75. “Can we skip the dream time? Color me not interested.” – Other Scott
76. “Truth is, it was me who was obsessed. I was crazy about him. But he ignored me. I was more alone when we were together than I ever was on my own. That’s why I had to leave. And that’s when he started paying attention.” – Ramona Flowers
77. “Hey Ramona, I like your outfit—affordable?” – Envy Adams
78. “Say bye to your gay friends for me.” – Ramona Flowers
79. “Hey. What’s with his outfit?” – Wallace Wells
80. “You are incorrigible.” – Envy Adams
81. “You had a sexy phase?” – Scott Pilgrim
82. “Go ahead. I’m too cool for you anyway.” – Knives Chau
83. “Okay, presumably, you may have just seen a dude’s junk, and I’m very sorry for that.” – Wallace Wells
84. Ramona Flowers: “What kind of tea do you want?”
Scott Pilgrim: “There’s more than one kind?”
85. “Dude, this thing claims I have mail. Dude, now I’m totally reading it.” – Scott Pilgrim
86. Knives Chau: “You should come over to my house for dinner!”
Scott Pilgrim: “Like, Chinese food?”
87. “No, I just spilled hot cocoa on my crotch!” – Scott Pilgrim
88. “Well, pac-man was originally called puck-man. They changed it because, not because pac-man looks like a hockey puck. ‘Paku Paku’ means ‘flap your mouth,’ and they were worried that people would change, scratch out the P turn it into an F.” – Scott Pilgrim
89. “Naw, we broke up. Hey, check it out, I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy II.” – Scott Pilgrim
90. “Actually, muchacho, I put the coffee in this cup. But I thought really hard to put it in that one, ‘in my mind’s eye’ or whatever.” – Scott Pilgrim
91. “You know your hair?” – Scott Pilgrim
92. “Being a vegan gives you superpowers?” – Scott Pilgrim
93. “Amazon.ca! What’s the website for that?” – Scott Pilgrim
94. Matthew Patel: “Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining the situation?”
Scott Pilgrim: “I skimmed it.”
95. Stacey Pilgrim : “Did you really see a future with this girl?”
Scott Pilgrim: “Like with jetpacks?”
96. “Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing, I didn’t even get any. That was a joke.” – Scott Pilgrim
97. “Wow, girl number.” – Scott Pilgrim
98. “No, no, I want to hang. It’s, you know, the whole evil ex-boyfriend thing.” – Scott Pilgrim
99. “So what you’re saying is we’re dating?” – Scott Pilgrim
100. “I couldn’t stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend.” – Scott Pilgrim
101. “Okay. Well, maybe, do you wanna hang out sometime? Get to know each other. You’re the new kid on the block, right? I’ve lived here forever, so there are reasons for you to hang out with me.” – Scott Pilgrim
102. “No. Not even. That was some total ass. I was the other guy.” – Scott Pilgrim
103. Ramona Flowers: “You have a band?”
Scott Pilgrim: “Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.”
104. “Before you hear some dirty lies from someone else, yes I’m dating a 17-year-old.” – Scott Pilgrim
105. “Defeat your seven evil exes if we’re going to continue to date?” – Scott Pilgrim
106. “Okay, fine. I had to fight a guy to be with her, okay? I fought a crazy, 80-foot-tall purple-suited dude, and I had to fight 96 guys to get to him. He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes, okay?” – Scott Pilgrim
107. “You’re not alone. You’re just having some idiotic dream.” – Ramona Flowers
108. “And you didn’t bang her? Are you gay?” – Other Scott
109. “Scott, you know I love you. But I need my own bed tonight. It’s for sex. I may need it for the rest of the week too and the year.” – Wallace Wells
110. “No, I cheated on Knives with you.” – Scott Pilgrim
111. “She’s with Gideon now.” – Scott Pilgrim
112. “You cheated on me, Scott? You cheated on both of us?” – Knives Chau
113. “Listen, I know I can be hard to be around sometimes. I totally understand if you don’t want to hang anymore.” – Ramona Flowers
114. “It was football season, and for some reason, all the little jocks wanted me. Matthew was the only non-white, non-jock boy in town. So the two of us joined forces, and we took ’em all down.” – Ramona Flowers
115. “Can we please stop all this fighting! Nobody stole anybody. Knives, I dated you and then I dated Ramona. Okay?” – Scott Pilgrim
116. “You want me to hang out with you? If I say yes, will you sign for your damn package?” – Ramona Flowers
117. “He only likes her because she’s old!” – Knives Chau
118. “He was a snot-nosed little brat. He just followed me around.” – Ramona Flowers
119. “Scott! Evil ex! Fight!” – Wallace Wells
120. “Mister Pilgrim! It is I, Matthew Patel! Consider our fight begun!” – Matthew Patel
121. “You will pay for your insolence!” – Matthew Patel
122. “I’m sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces you slag!” – Roxy Richter
123. “They’re called jobs—something a ball like you wouldn’t know anything about.” – Julie Powers
124. “Hey, pal! I just wanna say I feel terrible about earlier. I don’t want any hard feelings, so I figured, why not be the bigger man, and just give you a call.” – Gideon Graves
125. “God dammit, Scott! Will you not just keep standing there, you’re freaking me out!” – Stephen Stills
126. “The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it’s gonna take to kick your ass.” – Lucas Lee
127. “Okay, you listen up and you listen hard, bucko! The next click you hear will be me hanging up. The one after that will be me pulling the trigger!” – Lucas Lee
128. “I hope so, amigo. I don’t want any more bad blood between exes. What do you say?” – Gideon Graves
129. “Because you will be pulverized in two seconds, and the cleaning lady, she cleans up dust, she dusts.” – Todd Ingram
130. “No vegan diet, no vegan powers!” – Officer John
131. “Hey man, question. I’ve always wondered—how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers?” – Stephen Stills
132. “Is that girl a boy, too?” – Wallace Wells
133. “You made me swallow my gum! That’s going to be in my digestive tract for seven years!” – Gideon Graves
134. “I want to have his adopted babies.” – Wallace Wells
135. “I partake not in the meat, nor the breast milk, nor the ovum of any creature with a face.” – Todd Ingram
136. “Don’t you talk to me about grammar!” – Todd Ingram
137. “Wait! We’re fighting over Ramona?” – Scott Pilgrim
138. “Prepare to feel the wrath of the league of evil exes.” – Lucas Lee
139. “Chicken isn’t vegan?” – Todd Ingram
140. “You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously.” – Roxy Richter
141. “You seriously don’t know about the league? Seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona’s love life?” – Lucas Lee
142. “This song is called, ‘I am so sad, I am so very very sad.’ It goes a little something like this—so sad! Thank you.” – Crash
143. “Your bf is about to get f-ed in the b!” – Roxy Richter
144. “He punched the highlights out of her hair!” – Young Neil
145. “Kick her in the balls!” – Wallace Wells
146. “Wow, um, Zelda, Tetris. That’s kind of a big question.” – Young Neil
147. “We were just on stage for sound check, and the sound guy hated us!” – Stephen Stills
148. “Is it the news that we suck? Because I really don’t think I can take it.” – Kim Pine
149. “Dude, I can see in your mind’s eye that you put half-and-half into one of those coffees in an attempt to make me break vegan-edge. I’ll take the one with soy.” – Todd Ingram
150. “You just head-butted my boyfriend so hard he burst.” – Envy Adams
151. Scott Pilgrim: “I don’t think I’m ready to be a grown-up.”
Kim Pine: “I don’t think you are either, buddy. But hey, you’ll get it. It just takes practice.”
152. “Obviously, one of us went to Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters and one of us didn’t.” – Scott Pilgrim
153. “There’s a guy over there with a samurai sword.” – Kim Pine
154. “Dude, things never were the same. Change is—it’s what we get.” – Ramona Flowers
155. “What kind of idiot would knowingly date a girl named Knives?” – Ramona Flowers
156. “Let’s be friends based on mutual hate.” – Wallace Wells
157. “It was totally an accident. I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.” – Ramona Flowers
158. “What, a coffee? Hollie, I have some bad news. I hate you, okay?” – Kim Pine
159. “Scott suddenly realized for the first time, that all second cup exteriors do not lead to the same second cup interior.” – Bryan Lee O’Malley, Author