1. “Well, I have to save my ass.” – Shrek
2. “Oh, would you look at that.” – Shrek
3. “That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.” – Shrek
4. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles.” – Donkey
5. “Because that’s what friends do, they forgive each other.” – Donkey
6. “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey.” – Shrek
7. “You go in there and tell her how you feel.” – Donkey
8. “Little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?” – Shrek
9. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” – Donkey
10. “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.” – Donkey
11. “Yeah, right before they burst into flame.” – Shrek
12. “Like that’s ever gonna happen.” – Shrek
13. “Donkey, two things okay? Shut. Up.” – Shrek
14. “Thank you, thank you very much. I’m here ’till Thursday. Try the veal.” – Shrek
15. “Well it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.” – Shrek
16. “No! I’m an ogre! You know, ‘Grab your torch and pitchforks!’ Doesn’t that bother you?” – Shrek
17. “Wow, that was really scary and if you don’t mind me saying, if that doesn’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath stinks.” – Donkey
18. “Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!” – Donkey
19. “Wow. Let’s do that again.” – Donkey
20. “Why are you following me?” – Shrek
21. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.” – Donkey
22. “No—layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.” – Shrek
23. “Y’know, me too. That’s another thing we have in common. I hate it when you’ve got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint, and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence.” – Donkey
24. “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” – Magic Mirror
25. “C’mon, princess. You’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” – Donkey
26. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” – Donkey
27. “Okay, let me get this straight—you’re gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ‘cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?” – Donkey
28. “What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out the yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.” – Princess Fiona
29. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, , and true love’s first kiss.” – Shrek
30. “My donkey fell in your waffle hole.” – Shrek
31. “Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up. That’s the trick!” – Shrek
32. “A cute, button nose? thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?” – Shrek
33. “I’m going to be a father. How did this happen?” – Shrek
34. “I’ll stick with you!” – Donkey
35. “You don’t entertain much, do you?” – Donkey
36. “I like my privacy.” – Shrek
37. “Now, why don’t you go to celebrate your freedom with your own friends?” – Shrek
38. “Hey, come back there. I’m not through with you yet.” – Donkey
39. “Listen, you were really, really something back there. Incredible!” – Donkey
40. “And then one time, I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.” – Donkey
41. “Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone—we must be getting close.” – Shrek
42. “Yeah, right, brimstone, don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn’t no brimstone and it didn’t come off no stone either.” – Donkey
43. “Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.” – Captain of Guards
44. “Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” – Donkey
45. “He huffed unt he puffed until he signed an eviction notice.” – Little Pig
46. “Don’t mess with me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I could step here, and here, and here, and step all over it.” – Donkey
47. “Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?” – Lord Farquaad
48. “Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white, sparkly teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something, ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there; and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?” – Donkey
49. “You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.” – Shrek
50. “Blue flower, thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t colorblind.” – Donkey
51. “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres—oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” – Shrek
52. “What’s that? It’s hideous!” – Lord Farquaad
53. “Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!” – Donkey
54. “You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?” – Shrek
55. “Gee, you think he’s compensating for something?” – Shrek
56. “This is the part where you run away.” – Shrek
57. “What’s the matter? You got something’ in your eye?” – Donkey
58. “Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet!” – Shrek
59. “Sure it’s big enough, but look at the location.” – Shrek
60. “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” – Lord Farquaad
61. “I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my twitching.” – Donkey
62. “I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.” – Pinocchio
63. “I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?” – Lord Farquaad
64. “Now, really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?” – Lord Farquaad
65. “The stars don’t tell the future. They tell stories.” – Shrek
66. “Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you or if I forget.” – Shrek
67. “Don’t worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until… No, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.” – Donkey