HomeQuotes90 Anchorman Quotes to Look Back on This Classic Satire

90 Anchorman Quotes to Look Back on This Classic Satire

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1. “Okay, before we start, let’s go over the ground rules. No touching of the hair or face, and that’s it. Now fight!” – Ron Burgundy 

2. “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy 

3. “It’s so hot. Milk was a bad choice.” – Ron Burgundy 

4. “I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?” – Ron Burgundy 

5. “I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.” – Ron Burgundy 

6. “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.” – Ron Burgundy 

7. “I’m in a glass case of emotion.” – Ron Burgundy 

8. “You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy.” – Ron Burgundy

9. “They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time.” – Brian Fantana 

10. “Brick, are you saying that there is a party in your pants and that I’m invited?” – Veronica Corningstone 

11. “I immediately regret this decision.” – Ron Burgundy 

12. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” – Ron Burgundy 

13. “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put this out there. If you like it, you can take it. If you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.” – Ron Burgundy 

14. “Hey, where’d you get those clothes, the toilet store?” – Brick Tamland 

15. “The human torch was denied a bank loan.” – Ron Burgundy

16. “She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart, and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.” – Brian Fantana

17. “I am gonna straight-up murder your *ss!” – Frank Vitchard

18. “You’re watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and T*ts McGee.” – Announcer

19. “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” – Ron Burgundy

20. “We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.” – Champ Kind

21. “You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm? Maybe don’t wear a bra next time. No, I was talking to you. No, not her. I don’t know her name. What is it? Lanolin. La—Lanolin? Like, like sheep’s wool?” – Ron Burgundy

22. “It is anchorman, not anchorlady! And that is a scientific fact!” – Champ Kind

23. “Mmmm, I look good. I mean really good. Hey, everyone, come and see how good I look.” – Ron Burgundy

24. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the baby maker.” – Ron Burgundy

25. “The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show and see if she likes the goods.” – Ron Burgundy

26. “You know how to cut the core of me, Baxter. You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.” – Ron Burgundy

27. “Yeah. There were horses and a man on fire. And I killed a guy with a trident.” – Brick Tamland

28. “Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72% sure that I love you.” – Veronica Corningstone

29. “Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.” – Ron Burgundy

30. Brick Tamland: “I love, carpet. I love, desk.”

Ron Burgundy: “Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them?”

31. “Hello? Who’s there? I’m talking? Hello? Who is this? Baxter, is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee. Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the courage to say something! Hello?” – Ron Burgundy

32. “Hey, you’re making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk!” – Brian Fantana

33. “Who the hell is ? You know I don’t follow the NBA.” – Ron Burgundy

34. “I’m sorry, Veronica. We’ve had this discussion before. I’m not going to let you be the anchor.” – Ed Harken

35. “Listen, there’s three things I’m good at—fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I’ve already done one of those things today, and I’m about to do one more. Which is it gonna be?” – Veronica Corningstone

36. “Oh Audrey, I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What’s that? Well, if you were a man, I’d punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That’s bush. Bush league, you hear me? Audrey!” – Ron Burgundy

37. “I’m going to do the thing that God put Ron Burgundy on this Earth to do. Have salon-quality hair and read the news.” – Ron Burgundy

38. “Oh my God, he’s absolutely magnificent. I bet his poop smells like sandalwood.” – Ron Burgundy

39. “I’m not a ! I’m a man! An anchorman!” – Ron Burgundy

40. “Can you please give me your name Mr. Head, and please don’t tell me it’s Dick!” – Dr. Rydell

41. “Cannon ball!” – Ron Burgundy

42. “Great Odin’s raven!” – Ron Burgundy

43. “By the Hammer of Thor!” – Ron Burgundy

44. “Son of a bee-sting!” – Ron Burgundy

45. “Great Knights of Columbus, that hurt!” – Ron Burgundy

46. “You’re a real hooker. I’m gonna slap you in public.” – Ron Burgundy

47. “By the beard of Zeus!” – Ron Burgundy

48. “Sweet Lincoln’s mullet!” – Ron Burgundy

49. “Brick, where’d you get a hand grenade?” – Ron Burgundy

50. “Why don’t you go back to your home on wh*re island?” – Ron Burgundy

51. “Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we’re not gonna.” – Brick Tamland

52. “Stop calling your arms guns.” – Veronica Corningstone

53. “You have an absolutely breathtaking hiney.” – Ron Burgundy

54. “A black man follows me when it’s sunny.” – Ron Burgundy 

55. “Is that a minotaur?” – Brian Tamland

56. “When you’ve got an *ss like the North Star, wise men are going to follow it.” – Ron Burgundy

57. “Really? Yes, I do. It’s actually an optical illusion. It’s the pattern on the pants that is flattering for the crotchal region. I’m actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to the pants store. Well, this is awkward. I will see you later? Nothing to look at. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.” – Ron Burgundy

58. “Take me to Pleasure Town.” – Veronica Corningstone

59. “You are a smelly pirate hooker!” – Ron Burgundy

60. “I hear that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.” – Brick Tamland

61. “You realize you are talking to a man who just this morning tried to brush his teeth with a live lobster?” – Ron Burgundy

62. “Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.” – Veronica Corningstone

63. “No, she gets a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries. Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.” – Brain Fantana

64. “I’m very aroused.” – Ron Burgundy

65. “I know what you’re wondering, and the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my p*n*s. It’s called ‘The Octogon’.” – Brian Fantana

66. “I’m proud of you, fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that’s what you gotta do when you find yourself thrust into the middle of a vicious cockfight.” – Ron Burgundy

67. “Go f*ck yourself, San Diego.” – Ron Burgundy

68. “This is embarrassing. I’m totally unprepared.” – Ron Burgundy

69. “I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.” – Ron Burgundy

70. “Come again? You know I don’t speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.” – Ron Burgundy

71. Ron Burgundy: “Garth, if I were to give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?”

Garth Holiday: “I hate you Ron Burgundy! I hate you!”

72. “I’m going to need you to r*t*rd your anger.” – Dr. Rydell

73. “Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48 and am what some people call mentally r*t*rd*d.” – Brick Tamland

74. “Yeah. I stabbed a man in the heart.” – Brick Tamland

75. “It is terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.” – Ron Burgundy

76. Brick Tamland: “I love lamp. I love lamp.”

Ron Burgundy: “Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?”

77. “I will smash your face into a car windshield, then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a delicious seafood dinner and then never call her again!” – Champ Kind

78. “Well, now we know, guys—you can’t smoke crack on live television.” – Ron Burgundy

79. “Ohh, it’s the deep burn. Oh, it’s so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.” – Ron Burgundy

80. “Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while because you’re probably wanted for murder.” – Ron Burgundy

81. “Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.” – Ron Burgundy

82. “It’s a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. In a good way. Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.” – Ron Burgundy

83. “Sorry Champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.” – Brick Tamland

84. “Who cares, that’s Stonewall Jackson’s ghost.” – Ron Burgundy

85. “If you want to throw down in fisticuffs, fine, I’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waitin’ for ya right here!” – Brick Tamland

86. “I woke up this morning, and I sh*t a squirrel. I mean, literally hell of it is damn things still alive, so I got this sh*t covered squirrel down there in the office. Don’t know what to name it.” – Champ Kid

87. “Ron, why did you say that? Why? Why Ron? Why? You were my hero Ron!” – Garth Holiday

88. “I don’t know what we’re yelling about.” – Brick Tamland

89. “Heh heh! He said hinney!” – Brick Tamland



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